Ah, Homestar Runner. It’s given us so much and asked for so little. Well, it’s time to make a monstrosity from their history.
The Dish: SBLOUNSKCHED! Bar
“We’ll start with a gaseous cloud of marshmallow vapor…encased in a globule of semi-solid licorice colloid. A bunch of those will be floating in a channel of liquid nougat…we roll all that up inside a solid crispety cookety log…and cover it with rich, creamy…pepperoni. Then sprinkle that with, not just crispy puffed rice, but whole tiny bowls of crispy puffed rice cereal. And finally, smother that with…Boring Brown Chocolate.”
The Method: Yup, this one’s gonna be a nightmare. See, my original plan was to put marshmallow creme in the licorice (the closest I can think of to “gaseous marshmallow vapor”), but the licorice was solid, not hollow. After a quick trip to get some Twizzlers, I found that they were stiff and unworkable. So I microwaved them for a bit to soften them up…this flattened them. So I abandoned this plan, whizzed up some Twizzlers in a blender…
…and mixed them with marshmallow creme.
With that out of the way, it’s time to look at our pepperoni. Now, every recipe I’ve seen for this says “it’s good…except for the pepperoni”. I figure if I make the pepperoni sweeter somehow, that’ll improve it, or at least make it less of a liability. So I made this glaze and let the pepperoni soak in it. With the pepperoni out of the way, it’s time to make nougat. I made the filling from this recipe. Not much else to say.
Once the nougat is made, it’s time to assemble this monstrosity. I started with a bed of safe-to-eat-raw cookie dough, then slathered on a layer of the marshmallow/Twizzler mixture, followed by a layer of nougat. I then closed it and made my best attempt to form it into a bar.
With this done, I topped the thing with some shredded glazed pepperoni, some Rice Krispies cereal, and finally cloaked the whole thing in some melted semi-sweet chocolate, which, as the industry standard, is Boring Brown Chocolate in its truest form.
All that’s left is to let this abomination harden in the fridge. Now I already failed at making it into a bar – it looked more like some kind of dessert meatloaf – but maybe that’s where my failure ends.
The Result: Yeah, this was really bad. Really, really bad. The pepperoni overpowered everything else, even with my attempts to neutralize it, which arguably made it worse. Absent the pepperoni, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great (except the nougat, which I nailed on the first try, and was awesome). I’ll definitely be revisiting this in the future because I have a few ideas as to how to improve it, but for now, I definitely feel like I got SBLOUNKSCHED!
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